The courage not to progress
September 15, 2008
Posted by CindyW in : Opinions & Thoughts , trackback
A good friend in my neighborhood is moving away. She declared that her son was almost three years old and they needed much more room than when he was a baby. I am not sure if that is the only reason that they are moving to a five-bedroom home. But it has definitely started my internal dialogue about the need to “progress” and the courage not to.
As we advance through our careers, we enjoy higher salaries and better career options, assuming the latest recession does not throw us off our trajectory. In a corporate world, we climb from an “individual contributor” to managers to directors to vice presidents. Along the way, our salaries and bonuses grow.
With higher compensation, we have greater work responsibilities and spend more time and energy at work. At the same time we’ve earned ourselves the right to buy newer cars and bigger houses.
Is that we mean by progress? Is that we think the American dream is all about?
This is what 90% of the people around me do. When we first purchased our house six years ago, our mortgage broker predicted that we would only live in the house for five years. He implied that if our careers tracked the average silicon valley pace, we’d be able to buyer a bigger house perhaps in a more desirable area.
Six year later I still love our home and have no desire to move to a larger house.
But as I said good-bye to my friend, why do I feel like such a loser for not wanting to progress along the “normal” trajectory? Do I lack the ambition to progress? What’s wrong with me?
Wait, wait, wait! Have I been brainwashed into giving too much credence to the conventional view that material possession is the only way to progress? I am far more mature in everyway behaviorally, emotionally, and spiritually. Does that not count as progress?
I look at Chile, who’s provided us with so many sage advices on how to live greener. She certainly isn’t following the conventional flow. There is Heather at SGF. She knew leaving her job was the right thing to do and turned in her notice so courageously.
In the past couple of years, I’ve come to the realization that thoughtless material possession does not add much to my happiness. Our simplified life has certainly confirmed that everyday. Yet, I can still be rattled by other people’s actions resulted from a different perspective.
Perhaps countering conventional belief that more material possession equates happiness isn’t supposed to be a cake walk. You get rattled, you feel discouraged, and sometimes you even feel like a loser.
It takes courage to not going with the flow. I am still working on that.
But at least I have come far enough to know that I am able to shake it all off after some self-doubts (sometimes extensive) and conclude once again: focusing on living rather than “progressing” is perhaps the ultimate progress.
CindyW at Organicpicks
If you enjoyed this entry, please subscribe to the Organic Picks Blog
Copyright 2007 Organicpicks
Find More Green Products & Reviews..
Comments»
You’re absolutely right, Cindy, that it takes courage to be different than your neighbors, co-workers, family and friends. It also takes self-awareness, a quality sadly lacking in many folks. You are fully aware of the pull of “bigger and better” - however you also are self-aware and know that you are perfectly happy right where you are. If more people stuck with what was just fine for them instead of trying to keep up with expected “progress”, they would not have nearly as much debt.
Great post. It is drilled into our heads since we were infants that bigger is better, more is better. At some point, some of us become aware, start thinking and really paying attention and realize that neither is better. Better is better.
It’s never easy, but the bottom line is being true to yourself and forgetting about the “flow” of everyone else’s life. My parents hounded me for years about going back to school to get my master’s degree. They kept telling me that I was “wasting my potential.” But I was happy doing what I was doing!
When I moved from full time work to part time work, my ex had the same problem - think of all the money I could be making (twice, really), if I could just buckle down and resume full time work. But the truth was, I had everything I needed and was happy. Why did I need more?
Over the years, I’ve had many job offers and many pleas to increase my hours. I only accepted more hours once and I hated it. We have to be true to who we are and realistic about what we want in life. I desire simplicity, perhaps to a fault, but that’s who I am. It works for me. It’s when we pursue other people’s dream (because that’s what everyone else does), that we get in trouble.
Anyway, hang in there. Be you. Be happy.
Chile: we as a society often associate one’s financial success to his/her capability (intelligence, knowledge, street smartness, etc.) - you don’t live in a mansion, you must not be as smart. Therefor too easily we hang our egos on other people’s opinions of us, I am no exception, though I am learning and moving away from that
GB: Right on. The brainwash is pretty thorough. I look at my kids, their happiness seems fairly devoid of material association. Surely we were all like that once. Somewhere along the way of growing up, we were “polluted” by other people’s concept what happiness should be. While I am trying to unpopulate myself, I also want to do my best to not pollute my kids’ minds (at least delay that as much as I can)
Heather: I have a whole lot of respect for you for being so comfortable in your own skin and for knowing so well who you are and what you need to be happy. My parents still tell me so and so’s son now has five houses, and so and so’s daughter make zillion dollars a year. I still get annoyed by that (perhaps because I still have a part of my ego attached to my parents’ and society’s definition of success). Someday hopefully I will just laugh and tell them that I am very happy.
Funny you should say that, Cindy. At the CSA last week, my background somehow came up with another volunteer. I often do the grunt jobs there because (1) I notice they need to be done, and (2) I’m willing to do whatever work is necessary (like mopping floors). So, when I mentioned to him that past jobs included working on Capitol Hill (yes, that Capitol Hill), leading nature walks, and setting up a State Volunteer Program, he was really surprised. Ego shouldn’t be about what you do for money. It’s about who you are, especially when nobody’s watching.
Chile: Capitol Hill, huh? Actually I knew that. Always curious what you did there and why your view about politics was shattered there. Or am I wrong?
Yes, ego is a fragile thing. I am learning to hang it on something worthwhile
I went there initially as an intern for a well-respected congressman. When the semester ended, I got a grunt job with a congresswoman. Long grueling days tended to lead to low-level staff burnout.
I got rather disillusioned because I saw how politics really worked. For instance, at that time, a newly elected congressman makes promises to his/her constituents, but has no power to affect change. The power lay in the committees - they controlled whether a bill ever made it to the floor. It took an average of 10 years in congress to make it onto a committee. A newcomer could not do what they promised in their first term. By the time they’d been there for 10 years, their idealism would be gone as they learned to play the game.
What was the game? Getting re-elected. Many congressmen do want to accomplish good things but everything was always considered based on how it would affect chances of re-election. I was happier when I returned to working in elections, rather than for politicians. In the polling place or on the election boards, the focus is on having a clean, well-run election. It’s very detail-oriented non-partisan work.
Chile: thanks for the insight to politics. Are you telling me that you did not have the patience to spend 20 years of your life and wait for a bill to pass?
I would have torn my hair out after a few months in the Capitol Hill
I almost went to the Kennedy School of Government, but backed out the last minute. Just could not see how I would fit into the political world. Guess it was the right decision.
Anyway, good for you for working in elections. There is rampant election fraud being committed right now. Straighten it out for us, will ‘ya?
No thanks, Cindy. The morning news just showed an audit of the primary going on here, complete with police guard. Does not surprise me one bit, to be honest.
We’re dealing with the same house question right now. We’ve always assumed that someday we’d move to a larger house, and now we’re wondering if it wouldn’t be better to stay put. Our little house doesn’t have a lot of room, but it doesn’t eat up all our resources, either. We might just decide that smaller is better, regardless of what our friends & families say.
Donna: Having a bigger housing is such an ingrained part of American dream. For now I’ve come to the conclusion that with the same resources, I’d rather stop working earlier than living in a bigger house
Great article Cindy.
Big houses are silly. I went from a four-bedroom house to a one-bedroom apartment and haven’t missed anything.
I work with many coworkers that have to have the newest and brightest and sometimes biggest - and yet they are the ladies that lament that retirement seems so out of reach. I live in a 1,000 sq ft ranch with my husband and 6 dogs, 2 cats and 3 birds and they all seem amazed that the size of my house is fine with me. It does get kind of cluttered but then I re-evaluate and donate. And yes it is sort of depressing hearing about home theater systems and seeing them in new clothes all of the time - but I am much calmer than most of these people - even in these scary economic times. There is a wonderful sense of “ok” when you live within your means and below your means. Our little home will be paid for in three years and that is truly a sense of “security”.