Failing my RelativeOffset program
July 30, 2008
Posted by CindyW in : Rants & the Ridiculous , trackback
Lately positive vibes are bouncing around the green blosphere as many are forming APLS, yahoo groups, and book clubs. There are also a few that vent their frustrations, about the incredibly incompetent Bubbles and about the down trodden folks who have lost any interest in caring for themselves and their dwelling.
I feel the positive vibe, I do. But I also have some BIG griping to do. So here it goes.
We all know carbon offset - a financial instrument representing a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions. It “alleviates” some guilt for people like me who occasionally use up a bunch of energy jetting across the Pacific Ocean.
As a spoof, CheatNeutral was born – it is all about offsetting infidelity. The founders of the website believe that carbon offset is as much of a joke as cheating offset. One of the convoluted examples they give is:
“Steve and Lisa met while on holiday in Spain, and quickly fell head over heels for each other. That Christmas, at his office party, Steve got drunk and unavoidably repeatedly cheated on Lisa with Cheri, a co-worker. He paid Cheatneutral just £2.50 and we invested his money in Alex, a single man with no prospect of finding a partner. In return for the payments, Alex agreed to remain single.
Thanks to Cheatneutral, Steve was able to come clean about his cheating to Lisa, and when he presented her with the Cheatneutral certificate they realised they wanted to get married. Their wedding is taking place in the summer. Steve continues to regularly cheat on Lisa and Cheatneutral continues to fund projects like Alex with his offset payments.”
Secretively I too have a program running at the back of my mind - RelativeOffset. Not that I am a green super hero, but compared to my brother-in-law’s (BIL) family, I am a green saint. Often times I feel that we have to cut back more to offset the waste my BIL’s family generates.
We have been overwhelmed with the stuff that they are tossing out – two-year new convection oven, very gently used kids’ furniture, three-year old golf clubs (I don’t even play the game), and many other random things.
“We don’t need to take all their junk, you know,” my husband reminds me.
“But if we didn’t, all of it would go into the landfill,” I am frustrated. I post the items on Craigslist and Freecycle so someone can use them.
But lately I can’t keep up anymore. Even if we don’t breathe, don’t drink, and don’t eat, we can’t offset their escalated spend. A year ago, they remodeled their home for the 3rd time in ten years. A couple of months ago, they proudly acquired a 47-foot motor boat and flaunted that high gas prices were of no concern to them. This week I have been informed during a “catch up” call that it is their intention that a personal plane will be their next “big ticket” item.
Worst of all, I have to listen to all the bragging. Even their preteen kids are starting to associate everything with a $ value. So knowing it is totally lame, I phone screen the calls. The one-sided avoidance can’t last forever though.
I quit my own imaginary RelativeOffset program, since it has zero chance of working
Whew, it feels great to rant.
But seriously, how do you deal with family members that have starkly opposite values?
CindyW at Organicpicks
If you enjoyed this entry, please subscribe to the Organic Picks Blog
Copyright 2007 Organicpicks
Find More Green Products & Reviews..
Comments»
Oh, yes! Fortunately, the main offender has divorced my sister (and I can’t even believe I just said that my sisters divorce was fortunate!!). This guy lorded over us about money for years. But that’s about as deep as he got.
And there’s my rant for the day, and it’s only 7:05am!
I guess my aunt and uncle are like that. I have long considered them fools for their obsession with money and things - long before I “went green”. People who care so much about those things really miss out and why we’re here in the first place. Truly, I feel sorry for them. Okay, I also avoid them too because it just grates on me and makes my head and stomach hurt.
It is hard to keep up with the craigslist/freecycling of such things. I tried for a while with my neighbor but finally decided I’m doing the best I can and have encouraged her enough, given her enough outlets that I can’t always be the repository for her cast offs. I do still pick up all the plastic crap littering their driveway and our front yard (from them) before it finds its way down the drain and into the Pacific Garbage Patch.
At some point, Cindy, you might want to cut the cord - for your own health and sanity. Some people simply cannot be convinced.
Ditto on the avoidance and screening calls comments. We have some relation who are constantly tossing things that are perfectly usable. I am also utterly amazed by the sheer excess in which they revel. Picture a LARGE suitcase stuffed and overflowing w/Easter grass, candy, eggs, cheap trinkets, etc, all of which we were instructed to use to liven up our house for the holiday. We have never celebrated in that way and weren’t interested in starting! Apparently they took ‘pity’ on us for not having all the pomp and nonsense…sigh! I donated some to a school I knew would use the eggs, a museum that would use the grass and the trinkets I put in Operation Christmas Child boxes. We don’t get bragging, we get pity packages. I guess complaining and sharing our stories online might get some notice some day!
Aaargh! I hear you! Who knows, maybe the example you’re setting will rub off in 10 or 20 years.
I am so glad to hear that almost every one has a relative story to tell. The ironic thing is that my BIL is such an unhappy person (admitted by himself) and their flaunting of wealth did not bring an ounce of happiness into their marriage and family. I hesitated in writing this, because this is just SO typical, isn’t it?
Joyce: I am with you. Sometimes a divorce can be the best thing. Ironic.
GB: I am imagining you pick through your neighbor’s cast offs
When people come from Freecycle to get an item you posted, you take them to your neighbor’s…
DramaMama: a suitcase full of crass easter decorations. Urgh! I do think it is difficult to explain to some people that you don’t have all these things because you CHOOSE to live light, not because you cannot afford them. Good for you for donating to organizations that can use the content of your picty packages.
donna: hehe. I do feel sorry for the kids though, since that is all they know. But surely my BIL and SIL are feeling sorry for my kids too for not having a motor boat and a personal plane
My husband’s family are culprits. My husband went vegetarian years ago after taking a nutrition class and he is constantly berated for eating “his beans” - like that is the only thing vegetarians eat.
Then there is the mockery for riding bicycles and well…everything about his choices. I am not exactly considered family - so thankfully I’ve been exempt from their scorn.
Some of them are in the South where the mortgage crisis is hitting hard along with food prices and gas price rises…so they don’t mock him for that anymore, but pigs will fly before they think of getting on a bike.
We’ve cut or eliminated contact with our families because of that sort of poisonous attitude (along with emotional abuse, mental and physical abuse). And it has been the best decision we’ve made.
Since I heard about voluntary simplicity and the concept of enough, its been very hard for me to feel anything but disinterest in whatever consumer goods are waved in my face. Once you see the connection between goods and the artificial desire that is created to make you crave these items, its hard to want them in the hopes that it will fulfill some emotional need.
Um, I hate to brag, but my whole family is pretty eco-conscious. True, my sister likes to shop, but I have to give her a pass because she lives in NYC and never drives! She is also making more of an effort to be more “green” now that she sees me. My uncle works in the villages of India doing sustainable development. All my family in India live pretty conservatively. No one in my family is very flashy, and they all care about the environment. I guess I am really, really lucky!! I should probably email them all to tell them how much I appreciate them. Blech. Now I’ve got cheesy all over your blog.
Beany: you are not considered as a part of the family? Huh? Wow, no wonder you cut the ties.
arduous: stop your bragging already
All I can say is: lucky you!
Coming from a family that constantly ridiculed me and my ideas while growing up I totally understand what you are saying. I want a relative/offset! IT would make me so happy to have a button like one of those “Easy” buttons. Once one of the relatives start in just push it and “poof’ they are at the north pole being forced to watch a melting iceberg!
one can dream!
Hm, just today I talked to a family member with values about 180 degrees different than mine. After years of fighting and expressing disapproval, I surprised myself today by just keeping my mouth shut. I was supportive of the choices made in the sense that it made the person happy and fulfilled. There is nothing, n-o-t-h-i-n-g, I can do or say to change the situation, so rather than lose the relationship, I decided to let that person live their life their way. Doesn’t mean I agree with the decisions at all, but I can love the person and not love the actions or lifestyle.
Rob: I always think it is too bad that you don’t get to choose your family. If I had a choice, my BIL and his clan would not have become my family. Phone screen is my lame way of using an Eject button
Chile: I admire you for your choice of love a person but not his/her action or lifestyle. I am definitely not there. Most of the time I’d rather lose the relationship than wasting my time. Clearly I need to grow up
I was reading my diary entry from a few years ago and I had written an entry that went like this, “I will not be friends with ___ because they are too suburbanite”. I still dislike a lifestyle that is centered around an automobile, but I don’t cut of ties completely like I used to. Maybe I’ve grown up, or I’ve just become more needy.